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January 3rd, 2005
08:41 pm - Once again, it's been a friggen long time
You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Just a quiz.
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October 4th, 2004
01:10 am
I haven't written in here for a while. I don't know if a lot has happened or not. I don't think so.
New things... (I think)
Personal - dating
Car - still driving (status can change quickly, hourly updates my be required)
Life - good
Band - forming/singing
Smoking - needs to stop for above reason
Counter-Stike - overplayed n00b5
Work - 7 days a week (PacSun management position might be open, and will find out tomorrow)
I'll try to start with frequent updates again, but its really hard sometimes
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July 5th, 2004
02:49 pm
Birthday's are a fucking sham. I try to make them as much like normal days and then they just blow. Last one blew and that at night it finally picked up and turned pretty awesome, by someone. Unfortunatly, that person fucked this year up bad. Fuckin pissed. I just wanna get this shit done. I'm tired of it.
I hate this bi-polar whats-it. I was sooooo fuckin happy a month ago, now its all down the shitter. The only time I'm happy is when I'm in the moment and happy, but then I cant even remember it a few days later. I seriously have something wrong with my active memory when I store it into long term cuz it never stays for very long. The only things I can really remember are girls and the time I spend with them, usually the "good" and not the bad. Fucking sucks, I dont want to depend on anyone else. Lame.
I'm amazed that I'm able to feed the fish every day with success. I know it sounds stupid, but I hate having their lives in my hands, last time I killed one.
A girl named Heather asked me for my phone numer at a party two nights ago. Fucking ANIMAL. Rough.
I'm inbetween shifts at work right now. Mat and I went to EB Games with our boos to help her decide whether she should buy an X-Box or a PS2. Of course I told her to get a PS2, but then I settled with an X, because for her gaming style it would prolly suit her better.
I'm gunna go swim. My vacation seriously sucked. I got called into work the first day of it and my birthday just plain fucking sucked. I was glad that not many people knew that it was.
Thanks for the birthday message, it was nice. Tried to call you back but I got no answer. Gimme a call again sometime soon, I wanna hang out.
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June 27th, 2004
03:10 am
I'm wandering and lost, someone please catch me and show me the ground
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June 26th, 2004
05:12 am - Lay off.
Its late. Just got back from Lindsay's house. It was pretty fun partying from people from work. Its kind of the first time, unless you count Wednesday where we got drunk and broke into Lisa's apartment pool and went swimming, and my pants seemed to find their way off my legs. Then also wondered to my knees while we were running back to her apartment. All on purpose of course. Would I have it any other way??
So I found number 8 today. Horrible kisser I might add. Aparently I was number 3, and we didnt really know each other, so it was awkward when I made her leave my houses so I could go to work. The only really good kisser I've ever had was Clare. Fantastic. Seriously.
Just smoked a cigar. Was cheap as hell, however, I wasnt against it because it wasnt a swisher sweet piece of shit.
Hung out with Andrea the other day and ran into Rei. Then when I was drunk with co-workers on wednesday, I ran into Rei again only at SnS this time. Also Francis, and some security guard from my apartment at school. I know everybody yay!!
I think Francis's emo friends were giving me dirty looks and talking shit because I was wearing a nice button up tight black shirt (looking fucking hot I might add) and some nice jeans. I just cant wait until they get into college and no one gives a SHIT what they dress like anymore. High school bullshit imature craps.
Tonight they decided to jump me from 3 to 5 tables within 30 minutes... I was seriously pissed and stressed. There was one table that I told what had happened and I didnt get around to taking their food order after their drink for at least 10 or 15 minutes. They were soooo cool and patient. I didnt ring up their chips they ordered because I knew that if I asked my boss and told him, he would have taken it off for me anyways, so I just cut out the middle man and showed them my appreciation.
Been pretty busy.
I should call hanna, I told her that I would call but I'm actually interested in her, so I'm really nervous. I've have had her number for months.
Made over 70 bucks tonight. Maaaad loot. Fitting for a pirate. But I'd rather have booty yar har har. Fuck you.
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June 16th, 2004
04:17 pm - Bubblegum Crisis 2040
Since monday night, I have managed to watch the entire Bubblgum Crisis 2040 anime series. Its 11 hours long. I stayed up late monday and tuesday night watching it.
Review:
Animation was pretty good, plot was pretty decent towards the later middle leading up the finale. However, during early episodes there was poor plot build up per episode. So it was hard to actually get excited and when the girls were actually in danger they may not be able to get out of. Also, I could tell they were trying to get a real sense of power that the senator had but kind of failed because he always had to do everything through mason. Also, because mason was also the bitch, it was hard to actually see the real power that mason had and wanted throughout until he actually said it outloud.
Boomers, its hard to understand the actual construct of what they can do. Its explained something like they when they go rogue, they can combine with other things, but to me it looks like they are becoming more organic in composition. This is due to the fact that it was all slimy looking tendrals with veins that covered whatever they combined with.
Character development, somehwhat poor. it didnt seem like they ever actually CHANGED and the only devleoping they actually did was when they started to fall for the certain characters that were either best or worst suited for them. They tried to do it very simply like when linna decideds to leave the guy her parents picked out for and make the commitment to the Knight Sabers, it seemed lik they couldnt actually get inside her mind so they tried for a quick and easy advance in character.
It was pretty good for an anime series. Compared to Evangellion, insignificant, yet entertaining if you prefer anime series over single shot movies.
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June 14th, 2004
02:20 am
Havent posted in a little while. I think cuz other things have been keeping my mind of it. Past few days have really been stressing me out. I need to really party soon. It's been a while and I need a drink.
Got a call last night at 2 in the morning for a booty call. Unfortunately my back has been FUCKed up since yesterday, on top of that my car started making funny noises from the right rear tire. I hate it when I think my car is sick.
My bi-polar has been kicking in reciently. When a table is pissing me off I go back and pretty much scream, but its more like a growl.
Making some money though. I think I'm pretty close to having enough to fix my comp so I can play cs. I hope I dont actually get addicted to again, like I used to be. My life has been going pretty well.
I'd like to see fracis's parents tomorrow for fajita rita monday, she seems really cool and I'm glad her parents have taken a liking to me.
Kinda miss Alex, even though hes an asshole that let a girl take MAD priority over our awesome friendship. Thus trying to find some sort of reason to stop hanging out with me so he didnt feel like he always had to choose. Whatever you gotta do. I always knew it was the wrong decision, I hope he sees it now. Even though she is a cool girl.
Pass the knife.
The faster I drive, the faster my problems float away. . .
On the good side, the most awesomest open house today. It had a HUGE bowl of macaroni salad and I made a HUGE dent in it. Also, it was catered by Yesterdog. I ate soooooo much that I almost orgasmed.
I'll never escape the worst part of my life. . .
me.
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June 5th, 2004
01:52 am - GAHHHHH! ! !
By the way, I just fucking got home. I worked from 5:00pm till 1:00am without a godamn break. You should have seen me road rage home.
If I hadnt made like 70 bucks I would be fucking pissed... I STILL am though...
GAHHHHH!!
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01:50 am - Aroused with regrets. . .
This morning was fun. Perhaps I did enjoy it too much. Yea, I really did. I need a drink.
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June 4th, 2004
12:07 am - toooo ay
Giving plasma really hurt today and I dont really know why. I also have found that I'm naturally really slow donator. It fucking sucks cuz I have to sit there for a godamn hour pumping my arm and it makes me friggen angry. Ohh well, I need the cash.
Plans failed, but put on hold for tomorrow.
Chilled with Syd after I took my little sister to the pool for a few hours. Just got home, and its friggen early. I think I fell asleep and woke up 8 times while laying on his floor.
Does your brain ever wonder between asleep and awake?? Thats all the memories of my life will ever seem like. So I better make the present count if it wont matter in the end.
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June 3rd, 2004
02:51 am
Just got home. I wanted to do some pre-pool drinking, and accidentally ended up getting wasted. Good thing Mat wanted to drive. Cuz it would have been fun if I had. Juuuuuust kidding.
Hanging out with someone tomorrow. Fun fun.
I need to work out too. I'm really need to get on a regular schedule of running and lifting if I'm ever going to be in shape for Marines.
Mat - "Tim, fag is a hateful term."
Me drunk - "Malignant tumor is a hateful term, asshole."
SnS is ALWAYS a good time. I mean, if I didnt know the tips there sucked mad ass, I would apply there in a heart beat. They also get 65% off... Wow... I could get a Jr. Steakburger and fries for something like 85 cents. Fucking hell.
I think I'll Jakcie this weekend. If I'm ever going to follow through with this plan, or not a plan, by my birthday, then its pointless. Or something like that. Either way, I need to get out there and meet people.
I think I look good in brown.
J thinks I look good in red.
C thinks I look good in white.
but god wants me naked.
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June 1st, 2004
11:24 pm - Sloppy?!?! I doubt it *splat*
| E | Explosive | | M | Magical | | O | Overwhelming | | T | Tough | | I | Insane | | O | Outrageous | | N | Natural | | A | Ambitious | | L | Lively | | D | Dangerous | | E | Entertaining | | S | Sloppy | | I | Important | | R | Realistic | | E | Elitist |
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
"Not asking is half the fun" - My quote on the ass, but it's well ranged applications can be used throughout life.
I swear when they took plasma today they took some of by brain liquid and then forgot to give me a lot of my stuff and things back into my body... This is how I've been talking all godamn day.
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10:38 pm
Yesterday, I thought I was gunna be able to party late and wouldnt have to wake up early. However, I found out that my little sister's field day starts at 9:10. After which, I went to donate plasma. They were so busy it took me over an hour to actually get started. When I got back home, I was pretty exhausted. Since it was my stepmom's birthday a few days ago, we went out to dinner. Chinese of course. However, there's only one of them in OUR family. If you know the joke, then its funny. If you dont, you dont understand. My brother is an idiot.
Clare came over and we chilled for a bit. When I came upstairs my dad said, "What?? When did you get home??" Then Tracy explained to him that I had never left. Then he asked, "What the hell were you doing down there??" with full knowledge of the events that occured I'm sure. Then I replied, "Making out and watching a movie. So??" Then Tracy said, "Well good, that's what we've been doing too." I made a pact to never tell them anything as long as they never tell me anymore.
Also, I found this...
| T | Timeless | | I | Important | | M | Misunderstood | | O | Overwhelming | | T | Trustworthy | | H | Hairy | | Y | Yummy |
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
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12:35 am - YAY!!
I finally posted pictures of myself in my info!!
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May 31st, 2004
01:05 am - Favorite band right now = Smile Empty Soul
Got in a lot of trouble at work today. It sucked, so I came home and tried to the edge off with a small drink to sip and Black on the porch, and listened to the rain.
As long as I know that they are gunna keep me at Chili's, which I'm not positive of right now, then I'm going to hand in my two weeks soon. I'm getting really fed up with Rich being a complete idiot. I still havent gottne my 6 month raise when I've been there for almost a whole year. If I dont get my back pay then I'm going to straight up quit. I need that fucking manager position.
Chilled with Jenna and Keely tonight. Tis always fun hanging with them. Mainly because they always bring out the more perverted and foul part of me. Went to SnS and I got two Jr. Steakburgers and fries. After which we went to my friend Jay's house and chilled there as well.
Now I'm home, and sleep I am to go.
"With this knife I'll cut out the part of me, the part that cares for you"
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May 30th, 2004
01:58 am - Update
Over the past month or so has been one of the best months in my life, I think. I've been busy all the time, I'm finally getting some real money, and I've been hanging out with different people almost every night. I think it hasnt allowed me to be alone and do all the thinking that I used to do. I've had the luxury of having two girls that are significantly interested with my company as well. One fate keeps bringing me back to one, and the other is a dancer at the intersection. I've also managed another girl's phone number this evening as well.
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May 28th, 2004
11:57 am - Godamn this bi-polar brain
That conversation left my stomach in knots...
Getting drunk never really seems to help problems. You just know that they are gunna come back in the morning. But it is good sometimes to forget, if even for a couple hours.
-Drink when you want to remember something special about someone, so you wont have to drink when you want to forget it-
A quote something like that was from Barb Wire, stupid as the movie was, I like this idea of how to deal with realationships.
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May 24th, 2004
12:40 am - Mood = Legos (Break me down, but build me back up better than before)
(Or I'll just break myself)
I just finished writing a letter to my Grandma, on my mom's side. She really doesnt want me joining the service, and I'm questioning whether I should or not. It pains me when I question myself like this. Losts of times when I'm talking to customers at work I end up on the subject and I feel so confidant about it then, but sometimes I sit alone and question if I really want. All sorts of people tell me that I shouldnt, and sometimes it feels like people look down on it like its not honoarble or "God has a REAL plan for me" bullshit which makes me sick. I just know that if I dont, I'm going to amount to nothing sitting around and working. I dont want just an average life, I want something special. Things that might consist of that might be a girl, which I hate to admit, or actually making it in a rock band, which I'm doing nothing about, or being in the Marines. One seems more tangible than the other two. Either way, I'm looking at it, if I cant have material possesions, or emotional attachment, I want self-improvement. No matter what, I would still want self-improvemt, I always have. I hate these days where I wake up really late. For some reason, its harder for me to do anything. Think, drive, react, plan, anything. I wonder if its diagnosed as anything. Either way, I hate that feeling. Its the feeling I wake up every morning when I had school. The best plan I could come up with was get to class, late as usual, then come home and play video games or watch TV. I swear to god sometimes it feels like my soul and mind want so much more, but this godamn body and brain keep restricting it. I hope the Marines help me find who I am, and NOT through brainwashing. However, as long as I'm happy with myself, I suppose it doesnt matter what they do to me. Dude, I think today is just a depressing day. I need some ass, alcohol, or a cigarette to change this mood. Oddly enough, all are pretty accesible with a little effort these days. But I'm gunna stick with a Black on the porch in the rain, for now...
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12:35 am - This weather always brings back memories
What's she like??
She seemed pretty ordinary, but the dangerous kind of ordinary.
The kind everyone is attracted to.
Almost like an Angel from Hell, or a Devil from Paradise...
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May 18th, 2004
02:14 am - I sat outside in the rain, with this cigarette, thinking of you...
Just like this cigarette, too soon
I listened to the rain
and remembered how we used to play
sat around holding each other
this feeling that will remind me every day
just like this cigarette
it didnt last long enough
just like this cigarette
i can taste your sweet smell
and just like it
it got so close that it hurt
to these lips from which my feels spoke
and our feelings emerged
fueled with intensity
like the crackle of this cigarette
and the lightning across the sky
our love burned
that couldnt last
unlike you, this cigarette
I will never let slip through my fingers
slip through too soon to find
what truely could have been
and what can no longer be
So I'll hold this cigarette
until it burns my fingers
and I can feel its heat
and burning embers
touching me, searing pain
that represents what's inside my soul
what turmoil resides
of what will never be
and what I flicked away, too soon
Unorganized, repetitive, and raw
I have writen this
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May 16th, 2004
03:27 am - Sorry, dont read if you dont want to
I'll weigh all options and accept no denial.
These three ladies were being really fucking picky and I was doing everything they asked and then I made the mistake to start talking about myself and my plans in life with the marines and no school and such. Holy crap, then they decided to lecture me about how I need to let fucking jesus into my life and would not shut up. I mean, I cant be like, "Umm, I dont really believe in Jesus." At that point I would offend them and they would still lecture me and give me a shitty tip. And its hard to tell someone that you have to go check on your tabels when they are talking about their religion. So I just let them talk and let my other tables continue to sit. Which sux I might. She tells me how she used to be addicted to cocaine and how god blessed her and gave her some job that most people got to school for 6 years for, and how when let god into your life he favors you. So that you get a better job, and "beautiful wife and big home" (she said that, not like physical things like this should matter) yet for some reason I denied her the use of writing a god check you stupid bitch. Seriously, only a few things in life really get me pissed off, but listening to someone try to convert me is one of the worst things. Like I havent fucking thought about what hell is gunna be like?? Like I havent gotten depressed about the fact that if I DO beleive in it that I'm sure I'm going there. I'm still a virgin and I do my best not to lie and try to be a generally god person. However, people who proclaim themselves to be Christian and still have premaritial sex and a regualar basis can still think that they are going to heaven is beyond me. I couldnt believe or follow it because I couldnt hold myself up to those standards that are required. I know that I am going to lust and theres no way I can ask for forgivness when I know that I'm going to do it again and I cant help it. So why should I follow along with something that I know I wont be able to accomplish. I dont think the effort alone is good enough. I will not be some sort of hypocite. I will be a better more caring respectful person than more Christians will EVER be and it sickens me that some of these people think they are blessed and will recience forgivness in their arrogance and ignorance. If you are true devout christian then you should always humble yourself and understand there is no way that you can possibly ask for forgivness for all the wrongs you have done in daily life. There is no point in tring to force this upon other people when all you are really doing is offering up something they will never take in a way that will makethemseves feel gulity as it should, but instead think, "Ohh I can just ask for forgivness and do this again. I'm sorry, I've just begun ranting. Probably in a similar way that the woman today did to me. However, I'm not forcing this upon you, you can ignore and look away whenever you wish with no negative consequences, today, I didnt have that luxury. Curdasy is something that a humble person will give whenver poosible at their own expense, but not something that someone who is blessed by god will ever do because they deserve the best because they think they are better. I appologze if this offended you. This argument wasnt well thought out or prepared, just something that upsets me greatly. I think basicly that if I did decided there was a Jesus and a God, I wouldnt consider myself worthy and thats the way the religion was designed to be, not something that sinners can fall back on to clear there conscious. Also, many of you are in denial about the sins you do commit and how you treat your relgion, not matter how "inighted" you think you are. "A baker cant be a good judge of his own cake." And I believe I've stood inside and outside of this religion enough to make a well placed judgement in the character I've seen in the majority of "devout" Christians that I've know. Once again I'll just applogize in case I've hurt some feelings, but I doubt that I have, only pissed people off.
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02:54 am - You still give me knots in my stomach sometimes...
Just been working my ass off. I work every fucking day. If I'm not working at Chili's then I'm working at PacSun. However, I am pulling in some pretty decient cash to pay off my damages from school and the Civic, which is still being awesome by the way.
The other day before one of my shifts I went running with Jess and had a pretty good time I might add. Afterwards I suggested getting some ice cream. I let Charlie eat a bunch of mine cuz I couldnt eat as much as I thought I could. Plus I thought he needed something like that because for some reason he wasnt drinking any of the water.
Jess, Double, and Adam came into Chili's today. That was kinda rough, I'm not gunna lie. It sucks cuz I still get a knot in my stomach sometimes. I went over and said hi, but you should have seen the looks that double was giving me. Like open his eyes really wide and then make a somewhat forced grin to make it appear that I'm some sort of retard. For a minute I was going to be supprised to see that Adam wasnt eating chicken fingers (crispers, as they are called at Chili's), only to find that he was eating french fries, the only other obvious decision.
Well, I've no increased the number of girls that I've been with from 5 to 7 in one night. Friggen sweet. I was sooooo drunk. I'll prolly post more about it in a private entry. Wish I could make out with Julie, I mean, with a body like that, how and I supposed not be attracted?? Hot.
I came home today with 48 bucks, almost 10 an hour and I'm still only on 3 tables. I swear, this charm of mine and ability to communicate with people is seriously a gift sometimes. So i usualy strike up converations with people so that way I can get to know them on a more personal level. Today, I made a serious mistake... (Goes to next entry. I didnt think it was appropriate for this one. I liked this entry and then subject was too upsetting to put here.)
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May 8th, 2004
03:45 pm - Feel the friggen burn...
I worked that double yesterday, it was fucking rough as hell. I worked from 11-1:30 then I ate there and then walked across the street to EB games and played Red Dead Revolver.
-(Cut to video game review) The showdown where you quickdraw with the opponent is fucking awesome by the way. I think the controls and gameplay have a little bit of socom, but the guns are more accurate and powerful since you really only have sixshooters. The hs systems is someone screwy, its hard to tell if you're going to shoot them in the head or not. Graphics are pretty good and the gameplay is pretty sweet. I'd say more video game reviews would prolly give it a 4 out of 5, depending on how well the story plays out.
After that I lost track of time and had to rush back to work to change back into my work clothes because I friggen hate the pants that I have to wear. After that, I REALLY started to fuck up. I made one mistake after another and had to get a manager to take stuff off my tickets for people 4 times. I felt so bad, I seriously wanted to cry. I dont know what was wrong with m brain, I knew that I could handle it and I dont know what went wrong. I think I just got too tired from working all day and then it started to show, and that set into a domino affect and I just needed to leave. However, I didnt get home until around 11:30 and almost fell asleep on the floor in my living room, but I had to go pick up my brother and went over to Nicks house to play some majeek... Until 5 in the morning.
Now that I'm awake I have to start getting ready for work tonight, but first I have to call the plasma donation place so that I can start doing that.
Ohh yea, I ran for the first time in a LONG time today. I dont think I've worked out since 4 months ago maybe?? Not really sure. Anyways, with the one or two Blacks a day, and not doing anything for that long, it was fucking rough. Supprisingly, DDR last night was more exhausting that running this morning... Huh.
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May 5th, 2004
11:28 pm - The times of hell...
Wednesday(today): 11-2 5-9:30 (Double Shift)
PacSun: 10-2
Friday: 11:15-3? then 5-9? (Double Shift)
Saturday: 5-9? (Prime Money Time)
Sun: 11-3? (Prime time for needy christians that only want want water and chips with salsa and make you get something for them only to find that they want something else as well, but never bothered to tell you all at the same time)
If you ever eat where I work, then I'm sure that I'll see you there. However, once you do you can ask for me by name AS LONG AS YOU TIP ME WELL OR I'LL RIP YOUR BALLS OFF. (Or other extremities that have equal or greater value.)
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10:59 pm - I DOUBT its sexier than MY car.
I've decided to name my car Yuki. Its a beautiful japanese girl name that means snow. I mean, I had to name it after someone that I've had feelings for and has since left my life. Since Haley is already taken (my snowboard) and I didnt think Cass sounded like a good car name, and neither did Clare, I decided to name it Yuki. I've always loved the snow and always will. Also, what makes it awesome is that my car is black. I dunno why, but it does.
Hung out with someone that I hadnt hung out with in a while. It was a really good time. Chilled at Meijers and bought the wrong friggen bulb for my lava lamp I'm sure its because we were in the wrong isle. *sticks tounge out* After which we went to Schulers (I know I just spelled that wrong) Books and hung out there for a few hours I think. Since we are both prety interested in fashion we just looked through a book about it and decided what looked stupid and what actually looked good, even if the "experts" said different. They picked some stupid fuckin hats.
It was an awesome good time. We should have secret encounters more often...
I just finished working my second day doing a solo shift at work. Let me tell you, some of the things you have to clean out at the end of the day are completely disgusting and some of the things are HOT as FUCKING HELL. The soups and gravy are steamed all day so when you lift them out the steam pretty much burns your whole hand and it sucks. I got to talk to one the hot girls there when she wanted to know if I smoked. I had already smoked my one cigarette for the day an hour before-hand, but I wanted to get to know what she was like so I went outside and smoked anyways. Not as nice as I was hoping. Seemed a little rough around the edges, but deffinitely still interesting.
I'm working so much this friggen blows nuts. I have like no time at all. And it still seems that I'm not making any money with 80% going to my parents to pay them back. I'm actually losing money when I work at PacSun, because with the money that I'm giving to my parents I'm only getting 4 dollars every time I work and its almost 6 dollars in gas every time I drive the 50 minutes to get to Muskegon. The only reason I'm still working there is because I've been recomended for the manager position I think 4 times now, but we need Jackie to leave so that I can take her place. If and when she does leave, and if I dont get the job, I'm quitting and kicking Rich in the balls.
I really do deserve that job and I would do my best to do it well.
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May 2nd, 2004
01:40 pm - Continuing on my entry last night...
After hanging out with Julie till about 2 I went home, took a shower ad started getting ready to go party and take my little bro to his prom. After I dropped them off I headed up to Spring Lake for this party that was for a whole bunch of guys that used to be in a frat together a few years ago. Te keg was Oberon, and aparently its a really good beer so the keg ended up costing about $120. There were also free hotdogs and hambergs. The guy whos house it was is a school teacher at some school in muskegon and must be one of the coolest guys that I've ever met. I was going to drink but ten i decided against it because I didnt want to get realy drunk at all and be forced to drive my car home later tonight. Its ard enough for me to drive it sober, even though its getting easier. There were pretty much no guys there and when girls did get there, all the girls that were single WE brought. That means that it would have been a pretty lame party if Josh hadent invited us. Josh by the way, one o those kind of assholes that you eiter love or you hate. I personally love the kid. Unfortunately, he ended up saying some things about jews and Quinn's aunt, and then when she was offended, decided to follow it up with another making the whole mood in the room go sour. Later that night Tracy and Danielle started to play with my hair, a lot. Not only that, but also licking my ear, which... drives me fucking wild... Then they started moaning too. I had no idea how to respond. I was just standing there speechless while they rubbed up against me. Needless to say I really enjoyed it. But the whole situation was so awakward becaus we about to leave when they started to do this. So at some point I finally said, "Ummm... Ohh my god... Uhhhh... I think I have to go." At which point we had to fllow rich home because he was fucking wasted which is exactly why I didnt want to drink at the party. Also, since he was drunk I had to call him and remind him to use the cruise control and the speeds because he wasnt going nearly fast enough. But yea, eventfuland preaty fun night I got hoe wrote the entry I posted last night, and then passed out and woke up an hour ago. 10 hours, friggen awesome.
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01:50 am - Exhausted!!
Well that sure was a fun night
It started with my last test at Chili's, as long as I passed it, which I'm pretty sure that I didnt. After that I had to go home because I aparently had some christmas thank-yous that I didnt send out. I think there were something like 4 of them. The thing was that I had written them, I just never addressed and sent them. So I had to do that and write a little note explaining what the problem was. Then after that I had to meet Julie so that we could go to the East Grand Rapids Ragatta. It's always been a tradition that we go down there once every season and race EGRwith no other schools allowed. It's kinda like a scrimmage. It's also tradition that we KICK THEIR ASS. Seriously, their top boats hardly ever beat our top boats in ANY of the races. I meat Julie at Meijer and then we took my NEW CAR to the meet. On there way there, we got lost. We ended up almost down town and I was smoking a cigarette and trying to drive my stick. Then I had Julie call my step mom and have her give Julie directions. Julie soon got tired of that and started holding the phone up to my ear so that I could talk to her, drive, shift, and smoke all at the same time. We started to get stressed out and just HANDS me the phone. Now I have to pick percisely when I'm going to listen to directions, ash, watch the road, and shift. I begin to pull up onto a road that slopes upward so that I can turn around. UNFORTUNATELY, the road was one way we happened to be going the wrong fuckin' way. Now we are staring down a mercedes benz and because we are gong upwards, moving very slowly, and I'm very confused and trying to prioritze, I stall my car. I immediately turn my car over and try to go again... and stal it again. By this time I've almost manage to do the full 180 to get back onto Fuller. Then I finally get going... Twas a fun experience. I laughed and JUlie paniked and threw me the phone and made me stall. Seriously, I'm not supposed to have this all down yet, I just learned how o drive the stick 4 days ago. So yea, that bad experience was blamed on Julie. Lol.
We hung at the ragatta and then afterwards we were gunna go chill at her house until her friends came over and at that point we were gunna start drinkin'. Minor, some girls named Ashley and Marie came over. They bought some margarita mix and some tequila. By the way, who the hell doesnt own a blender?? Everyone has a blender. However, JULIE, does not. I was forced to find alternate ways to making crushed ice. One possibilty was to put it in a bag, which soon busted, and hit it with a hammer. Then I wrapped a town around the bag to get better control of the ice and such. Still made a mess. Then when I finally got one kind of mixed(I say "kind of" because some of the ice was smashed into a really fine powder while there were alo large chuncks of ice as well.) It was pretty much a failed experiment.
After everyone got good and drunk we began calling people to find some sort of party to go to. We ended up going to some kids house named Mat who Julie has had some past experiences with. I ended up chattting with some girls who werent too thin, but all of which had D cups I'm SURE. So I had a good time chatting with them, and I think they would say the same for me.
Marie would not shut the hell up about her keys. She said that she just wanted to hold them and that she wasnt going to drive but I know how drunk people and how they will say anything for their godamn keys. I HATE fucks like that. So if you're someone reading this, and you try to tell people that you arent drunk when you're leaving a party, you are a FUCK. And if you think that you drive BETTER when you're drunk , you're a FUCK. Seriously I hope that you wrap yourself around a tree in the process and not put anyone else in danger like that again.
There was some drama and Julie didnt want to leave when we were all going to go. We tried to pull her off teh couch while she was talking to some guy, but it wasnt happening. We kept chacking up on her. Then at one point she was standing up talking to someone else and we all wanted to leave. I walked over to her, picked her up and per her over my shoulder, said by good bys and asked Minor if he would grab my sandles and her boots so we could head out, then we left. -Then some other drama stuff happened because we wouldnt find Marie and Julie go to talking to Mat again. So we didnt get back to her house for another 30 minutes at least.
When we finally got back to her house there were about 15 people already there waiting to get inside because someone invited them over to party at Julies when all any of us really wanted to do was sleep. Except for Marie who wouldnt stop fucking whining about her godamn key and Julie everntually gave her the ok to leave even though she was still plastered. Julie told the people that were chillin at her house that they could either crash on her living room floor or they had to leave. So everyone kept hanging out on the front portch. I told her a few times that I was just gunna ead out because I was so tired, but she wanted me to stay and make sure that the people over didnt fuck anything up. And I liked the fact that she wanted me to stay, to be honest, so I did. Evertually we just got fucking tired. Julie wanted everyone to just leave but she didnt want to be mean and kick them out, so I did it for her and asked everyone to leave... I havent slept with a girl in fucking forever. It felt really nice. I actually mean sleeping, I'm still a vergin. Also, nothing went on. As much as I would have enjoyed making out or anything with Julie, and I have for a long time now, I can tell that she sees me more as a brother than anything and she was pretty drunk still anyways. so yea.
The next morning we hung out for a while after we woke up. We ate pancakes!! Lol, and then we had to go to some salon place to get some stuff for her mom. We also went to a dunkin doughnuts and got some crap. It was an awesome feeling. The night before she would lean on me and put her legs on me. Then sometimes she would sit by me, but I still didnt get the feeling that she was actually interested in me at all. But it was nice to have someone like that near me. It really made me miss having a girlfriend... Crap. But yea, I'm really tired and I need to pass out. Ohh yea, I got to take my brother to prom and his gf actually looked pretty good, it was really supprising. I even told her that. They matched with pink and black together, it was fucking awesome. My brother made a little panda mask. Like the cand that has a small pole attached an you have t hold it up ad it only covers your eyes. It was fuckign sweet. Anyways, as you can tell I'm sure by all te misspellings, I've very tired. G'night!!
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April 26th, 2004
03:22 am - MY ROOM LOOKS SWEET!!
Finally home, out of school, and working like a bitch.
I've had training tests every fucking day. Yesterday I didnt get a chance to take the test I was supposed to take so tomorrow I have to take that one along with the burgers and sandwhiches test, AND the ALCOHOL TEST!! I have to know which beers are on tap, whats in all the different margaritas and all the different random tequilas, rums, and all the other drinks like that. Its going to be hell. I already made flashcards. I guess I should just be really lucky to have 2 jobs. Looks like I might be getting a HOnda Civiv EX 4D this week!! We've looked at it, but its like 800 more than my dad wanted to loan me for a car. He really just wants me to get out of debt. And another thing thats not helping is the fact that I might go into the Marines in something like a month so they think that I might be wasting my money just letting it sit there while I'm in the force. It would only be wasted if I was stationed outside of the US. It would friggen awesome wo be stationed in either Japan or California. I assume that I will do well enough on the entrance exam to have some sort of say in where I will be going. Anyways, I dot have my contacts i so I havent really meen able to see what I'm typing. But I should go to bed that way I can be fresh for the tests that I'm going to have tomorrow.
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April 21st, 2004
01:41 pm - I think I'm growing up... and really really sore
The number one impluse buy for yesterday... Slipknot tickets. I havent seen them since they toured with System of a Down, and then I saw them on their tour before that at the Deltaplex. So out of the 4 tours they have been on, I've gone to 3 of them. The first time they came here I think was freshmen or yearly sophmore year and it was a school night and I wasnt 16 yet, so I couldnt go. But man, it was awesome. I got my fucking ass kicked. Lots of time I dont agree with the lyrics, but I love the music. However, I think thats going to be my last serious metal concert that I'm going to go to. The music doesn appeal to me as much as it did before. Maybe because I'm just not as angry as I used to be. Anyways, it was sweet, but the stage show wasnt as good as it was at Van Andel. There the whole light structure above thestage lowered and "pinochio" and "clown"'s drumsets were lowered down with the lights and they were both on hydrolic bases and joey, joey, the lead drummer's drum set lifted up so that it was perpendicular to te grond and then the base of it had track lights in the shape of a pentagram during his drum solo. Then, it started to spin with him perpendicualr to the ground WHILE he was still doig his drum solo. It was fuking awesome. However, the orbit room is such a small venue that it was a lot more personal there. I ended up getting so close that I could see where they were look though the holes in their masks. All in all, VERY worth the money. UNLIKE the godamn switchfoot show where some jackass told me that yellowcard was going to be there and MADE me get a ticket when I didnt want one and THEN I got fucking blood on my shirt and armband. That stupid jerk.
People = shit tee hee
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April 19th, 2004
03:49 pm - ... Jiggidy Jig
My room... is awesome. Took me ALL of yesterday to set it up and clean everything that wasnt mine out of it. Now I have a pile that fills the rest of my basement to clean up Tuesday night. But my room des look awesome and I also have enough room so that I can set up at least 2 friends over in my room for CS LANs. That will be friggen sweet. Tomorrow I have to go fill out paperwork for my new job and I'll ave to wear my hair up when I work which will kinda suck, but I wont have to cut it. Still have to call the recruiter today to find out some information about stuff. And I also need to study for my exam thats tomorrow morning at 8. Hope I do well, but I'm pretty sure that I'm fucked this semester anyways. This godamn allergy pill fucking knocked me out. I'm gunna go lay down then go to my last non-exam class tonight from 6-9. late.
The video for this song is really sweet, but I think that it depicts things that are so far fetched that it almost negates all the infulence that the lyrics alone could have.
Current Music: Smile Empty Soul - Nowhere Kids
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April 15th, 2004
09:10 pm - "I'm intoxicated" "Wow really?? Whens it due??"
Gettin' drunk for the foreverith Thursday in a row. THIS time, I SWEAR that I'm going to class tomorrow.
Wednesday's my last friggen exam
Take me with you... Where no one will know us and we can be anyone... Be anyone we desir3
Current Music: Smile Empty Soul - Silhouettes
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April 14th, 2004
01:20 pm - I turned in my application 2 days ago and now I'm hired!!
School is almost over and at frist I was happy, but now I'm almost worried that I'm going to fail more now that I'm not in school. I hear that this place is REALLY strict on time. Like if someone is 2 minutes late for their shift, sometimes they tell them to just go home. This should be a HUGE problem for me because I am late to everything in my life.
I have to give 80% of my paycheck back to my parents until I've paid them off for my school and then down payment that was on the appartment, since I fucked some shit up in there.
I just started working on this 4 page paper thats due at 6 and I still have to read the story that its on. I didnt wake up until 11 which means I skipped another child dev. class. That blows. That means that Ill have to ask Meredith to stay after class so that I can copy her notes again.
After I'm done paying off my parents the first thing that I'm going to do is get my computer fixed. That way I can sign up for CS CAL (Counter-Strike Cyber Athletics League). If you dont know what that is, its a counter-strike league where you have a team of 5 members and attempt to complete certain objectives in different maps. Anyways, I havent played cs in almost 6 months now, I think. So I really need to get back into it. This next year is going to keep me really busy. Working 2 jobs, CAL commitments to my clan, working out a LOT, and still trying to have room to party... It will be awesome...
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April 12th, 2004
11:46 am - people in glass houses s-s-s s-s-s s-s sink ships
I went to one class last week and now I have to write a paper on a movie that I havent seen and then study for an exam that I have at 6 that I havent even started studying for yet... Dude, theres got to be some sort of reason that I put myself in these situations in which everything is last minute panic and I cant do a godamn thing ahead of time. I think theres only one thing that could sort me out... So thats what I have to do.
I still cant bevlieve that last week I only went to one fucking class. godamnit
Thursday was messed up. Rich and I hung out with 2 strippers and went to a couple parties with them. The 1/2 black and 1/2 asian girl aparently took a fancy to me so I got her phone number... Weird... When have I ever really been attracted to asian or black girls??
Easter was alright. Ever get the feeling like a certain situation reminds you of anther. Kinda like you smell pumpkin pie and you think halloween or thanksgiving?? Well easter sunday my mom was cooking and all of a sudden it felt like christmas. but it wasnt. woah.
I need to find a full time job for the summer. Fuck!! ASS!!
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March 31st, 2004
09:35 pm
RevolutionMan4: i thought of a sick combo
RevolutionMan4: panoptic mirror
RevolutionMan4: and peace talks
xXSLiP 8Xx: whats that??
RevolutionMan4: its a white sorcery
RevolutionMan4: during this turn and the next players cannot attack or play any spells/abilities that target any player or permenant
xXSLiP 8Xx: what would make that awesome??
RevolutionMan4: darksteel reactor
RevolutionMan4: its indestructable
RevolutionMan4: each turn put a charge counter on it
RevolutionMan4: when it gets 20 you win
xXSLiP 8Xx: lol
xXSLiP 8Xx: awesome
RevolutionMan4: yeah lol
RevolutionMan4: humiliation deck
RevolutionMan4: its just like
RevolutionMan4: ok we sit here for 20 turns until i win
xXSLiP 8Xx: dude, that would be such an annoying deck
RevolutionMan4: i know lol
xXSLiP 8Xx: or i might pull a rule: for every counter on that godamn card at the begining of your upkeep, you get that many punches to the face from player named tim
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07:02 pm - Since I cant snowboard, summer get here faster!! Since I suck, life shoot me in the face!!
Well, today I had a calc2 test. The second time that I'm taking it but the fucking way. I took AP calc in high school and got a 4 on the AP test. For some reason, it seems, calc 2 likes to rape me in the ass as frequently as possible. I did one problem on the test today then handed it in. I thought I understood this section before, but this teacher has a way of being completely unsure of himself, and the material that he's teaching.
Well, it looks like I dont really have any other real options besides the Marines at this point. I mean, I could do other things, but I would like to still do SOMETHING with my fucking life that I'm wasting at the moment. I would also like to change my name if thats at all possible. I mean, how sweet would my name tag look as "A. Fallen." For representational purposes the A would stand for Angel. But I've ALWAYS wanted to have the name Aaron. I think because I knew a really cool kid from before preschool, in childcare named Aaron and he was a bad ass. At least I think I remember him being one. Anyways. Those were just thoughts.
Since I'm going to be working full-time this summer I plan on paying back my parents entirely for this past semester. Also, getting the tatoo design of the wings on my back. Possibly adding a few piercing here and there. DEFFINATELY buy more clothes. I've been sooooo fucking poor from school that I hardly ever buy clothes anymore. I dont have any really cool girl friends to go shopping with, and Alex and I arent really hanging out anymore. So now all I need is to find a summer shopping buddy!! Applications being taken. Some prior experience IS needed.
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07:01 pm - I've become a godamn addict, and a compulsive procrastinator
Days since I've showed off my pretty hair... Never
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06:38 pm - Meh
T - You have an attitude, a big one.
I - You are always smiling & making others smile.
M - Success comes easily to you. (why the fuck would I drop out of college then?? you dick of a quiz)
O - You are very open-minded.
T - You have an attitude, a big one.
H - You are not judgemental. (sooooo wrong)
Y - You cause a lot of trouble.
So a few letters that lie and 2 times the attitude later, I judge this to be close enough.
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March 24th, 2004
02:30 pm - Lol, I just found this
Simple, percise, and accurate I'm sure. Quite simply, the best test that's ever been created.
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02:10 pm - finally, I realize the digust that I see in other people is really just a projection of myself
The only people can know the conflict inside me are people who are like me. People that I know, and think they know me, have no idea what its like. I cant even explain it and I've been in here for 19 fucking years. No, the only people that I can relate to sometimes, are people who just hate themselves. No because they are physically unattractive and dont like their body, but people who understand themselves and other people, and just dont like what they see. They understand that this is the only life we get and somehow you still cant make the most of it. I think the only ones that can completely understand me are the ones that have already died. You know how?? They killed themselves because they couldnt deal with what they saw. Thats not poor self-esteem. It's self actualization. No fairy tales or bullshit. You know what you are, you dont like it. There isnt anyone you would rather be than yourself, unless its someone that is completely naieve and unable to contemplate the ideas of life and themselves in comparison with it. So somehow I have managed to make it this far without cutting my wrists too deep or even picking up a gun. But all that means is that I AM AN EMPTY VESSEL FILLED WITH INNER CONFLICT AND SELF AFFLICTION, AND SO IT WILL BE UNTIL SWEET REST FALLS UPON ME.
I am destined to be alone in life, and in death. I will have short burts where someone comes into my life and makes me think different. In that fleeting moment, I can lay back and be happy. Then... It all falls.
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